29) Steely resolve

Of late I have been going through the worst with each passing day adding to the sorrow. My husband had not only lost our savings but put us into a huge debt as well. It would take years for us to come out of the red.

He had a wretched addiction to the transport business; buy lorries and carry cargo for a living. His days were spent with drivers and cleaners and they really are the dregs of society; coarse tongues and philander at the first opportunity.

I am a teacher in a government school and that is the only stable income for the family. One to earn and another to lose as my husband forced me to avail all the loans and just as predictable; lose it with consummate ease!!!

But this time it was real trouble. The lorry had an accident killing the driver and with no insurance, my hubby was suddenly left with bank payments for a crushed lorry and compensation to the driver’s widow to avoid cop’s interference.

My nerves too were at the end of the tether. Deprived of sleep and fret, I quickly developed a lingering headache. Living with this man for over 2 decades had aged me prematurely. Each time creditors came to the house and shout as to involve the neighbours to shame us into making the payments felt like death.

Working at the school provided a much needed distraction and it’s almost therapeutic. I teach the X standard and it’s already March and exam time; back to invigilation and correcting answer sheets. The students are well behaved and copying is not prevalent except a few adventurous ones taking a peek of the neighbour’s answer sheet and smarter ones make it harder so that they don’t lose out!!!!

I still remember that day after a huge Mahabharat yudth at home, I started my vigil at school. It was the Mathematics paper and the bugbear of students. The exam started at 9:30 am when Suryakala, a student was carried on a stretcher and had come to take her exams in an ambulance.

Suddenly there was hush as students and teachers crowded around her in curiosity. Then this grim tale emerged.

The 15-year-old girl had survived a nasty accident a couple of days ago while riding a bicycle. She was knocked down by a bus and dragged to about 20 feet on hard road. She had sustained serious injuries in the abdomen and legs.

Undeterred by the trauma - an external metal fixator was implanted on her left leg- Suryakala insisted on taking her examinations. Her parents were hesitant but the kid was determined not to miss out on a year despite medical advice.

Her orthopeadician Dr. Vaithilingam of Iswari Prasad Orthopeadic centre accompanied her to the examination hall couldn’t stop praising her. He confirmed that the injuries were serious and it would take months for her to even stand up on her feet.
I felt something give way. Here was a little girl who may have to live with a lifelong handicap and yet her courage moved me to tears. The ambulance, the stretcher and doctor added up to frighten me out of my wits.

At school there were no other talk save this girl’s steely resolve and there were not many dry eyes that day.

I went home and then the penny dropped: if this girl can show so much fight at 15, I too can survive to fight my troubles at 42. I was ashamed of entertaining suicide thoughts but now I am going my roll up my sleeves.

I shall stay and face the knocks. Maybe, there is something to learn.