82) Leaving Patiala

It is the worst that could have happened and the irony was that it had to happen to me. My ambition in life was to get a post graduate doctorate in Clinical psychology and yet when it happened, my mind let me down. Let me explain.

I have been with my parents all through my school, college and post graduation days. Being the only daughter, nay only child of a Punjabi family, we were close knit and there was no end of pamper in sight. In fact, my parents would call me “Honey” much to my embarrassment in my friend’s company. I guess it is our community’s penchant for christening Indian names with western nicknames!!!!

We were based in Patiala and as devout a Sikh family as any except that it was rare for a woman to plough through graduation and post graduation. In fact, I would have served my interests better if I had done my post grad from Delhi but I stuck from Punjab university, Patiala just to be with mom.

The happiest day of my life was when I got a UGC grant for my research thesis on “domestic violence in India” from the famed Delhi University. My professors in Patiala had sent a glowing reference and a good academic background ensured that for the next 5 years at least I would be in the campus pursuing my doctorate programme. Considering that my family lives by agriculture, my academics were a surprise to many – including me!!!!

I still remember that day when I had to leave Patiala for Delhi and we had booked tickets in the Inter City express. As the day approached, my excitements at the prospect were weighed down by the issues at home. My mother was a heart patient and dad, a farmer by instinct could be a little insensitive at times.

I saw the look on my mamma’s face. It was happy for me but there was a forlornness there that suggested she needed me. I was caught in this predicament and just 2 days before, I had a raging fever.

I missed the opportunity and failed to report. It is not an everyday occurrence to get a research project in DU.

I felt defeated as I saw my world come crashing down. I had failed myself and had exaggerated my fears. I also realized that though I was 23 years old, I had not grown out of the cradle.

For recovery, I had a simple plan – I took up a job in Calcutta, as far as possible from my town. I did pursue my research but this time in Bombay University.

Being on my own initially was terrible and scary but I learnt to fend for myself. At home, we take everything; food, clothes, protection for granted. But then one also gets an opportunity to grow beyond one’s confines.

Today, I am married to an American and travel all across the world and in fact, one of my hobbies is taking holiday vacations so much so that I travel alone when my hubby is busy. Last year, I spent one month in Cuba and that too in a village and that was some experience.

I see myself come a full circle – from that naïve 23 year old agonizing on a trip to Delhi to where I am today. The journey in between has taught me invaluable lessons. (565 words)