14) Fear of Flying

“As the aircraft ran down the runaway in full speed one feels a sense of loss of control for there is no turning back. That day, it was raining heavily and yet this supersonic bird took off and as we ascended, I felt my heart thump so wildly that I thought it would burst. The pre-flight safety announcements only added to the fear. I shuddered to think as to how a passenger could draw oxygen from a simple tube attached to a contraption. How can one inflate the life jackets from masks attached to the mouth? At 40,000 ft and crossing the Atlantic with speeds upwards of sound is a nightmare. After all, an airplane is a mechanical device with so many pieces put together and anything can go wrong.

That flight was especially torrid one with lot of turbulence and swerved dangerously a couple of times. I just felt an utter distress having handed over my destiny to a pilot, a mechanical device and elements outside.”

That was my first experience of flying as a 12 years old kid and since then had a mortal fear towards air travel. I would experience nightmares besides a stabbing, lingering fear pervade the body weeks ahead of any journey.

This must be most irrational considering that my dad worked with the UN and was mainly posted in Europe and constant air travel thrown in. Even as a kid, I avoided the flights and the family was co-operative enough to take the trains.

Since then – I am now 32 years – I just traveled thrice in the space of 2 decades and instinctively avoid flying as much as possible, notwithstanding emergency or inconvenience. Once I even took a boat to Florida from Liverpool spending two weeks in the sea to avoid the demons of flying.

Last year, I fell in love with Mr Ajay Sachdev, a psychologist at the American Mission Hospital in Paris. His job entitles flying often and I would be neurotic each time he went inside of any of these monster birds.

Ajay got to know of my fears and insisted that I keep talking about it.
First, he did not see my fears as exaggerated or self induced. The fears of the mind don’t exactly operate for a rational basis alone. Ajay patiently explained the benefits of air travel showing that it was the safest mode of travel amidst sea, trains, and road.

As about palpitations before an air journey, he suggested me a simple exercise.
“Kalpana, be aware of what’s happening in your mind and avoid building a sequence of horrid thoughts. Just take a few deep breaths and concentrate on your work. The rest shall take care of itself. Your fear is real and condemning yourself will not work either. Your task is not switch that familiar circuit of fear and instead observe the mind without allowing it to run riot”, as he beamed his sunshine smile.

That became my mantra as we traveled to India and he was supportive right through the 10 hour flight.

I worked hard on my nerves and try to relax before flying. Though I am still anxious, I no longer panic and over the years have traveled frequently. My parents are astonished by the change and I reassured them saying,” When a mind wants to heal itself, there is no brooking obstacles”.