It was spring and the trees never looked more green and flowers in bloom. Though I stayed close to the beach and Adyar River, home to migratory birds, I was sunk to the deepest gloom.
I am a “Sr. Copy writer” in an advertising agency and work on plum accounts. My work on “Prince Jewelry” and “Greams Bay” even won awards at the advertising club.
Our office strength is less than 25 people and it’s more homely than the stiffness of a corporate. Yeah, we bitched about our clients and mother-in-laws (I am a spinster though) and cursed the municipal corporation even more for the ills of the road. BTW, these are safe subjects for one to vent anger!!!
Deepak, an “Account Director” was a good friend. He had a large forehead that nailed a set of piercing eyes and an amusing wit. These servicing blokes wear a perpetual smile as part of their trade but that suited Deepak’s countenance.
He was engaged to marry a girl from within his family circle. Little did I foresee that my friendliness would lead to such a wretched emotional wreck?
Of late, Deepak’s face has been pensive and haggard; his wisecracks dried up and throaty laughs not heard in ages. I sensed something amiss and the sob story came out at an office party as the drink kept going in. His engagement had been snapped by the girl’s family, the girl was in love with someone else and had attempted a suicide to convince her family as where her heart lay. Deepak in the meantime had tom-tomed the impending marriage to just about everyone.
It was bombshell and we tried our best to cheer him up. Knowing that he was a movie buff, I made it a habit of dragging to at least one new release a week apart from frequenting the discos. Slowly, the guy was coming back to life and getting more animated in conversations.
He was joke-a-minute personality and we really had a good chemistry. I loved his chirpiness and would accompany him on long rides on the bike to nearby hill stations during the weekends. One day he pronounced his undying love and proposed.
For the next three months, we exploring every theatre and disc in the city. Not a day passed without speaking for an hour on the phone despite the fact that we saw each other at work. He was fast turning an expert in kissing me on the sly at office. When you are in the throes of passion, reason is the first thing that goes out of the window.
Suddenly, this fellow quits the job and proceeds to an agency in Bangalore. He calls me and apologizes profusely and wanting our romance shelved. Just like that!!! He said that the suicide girl has come to her senses and wants to marry him and there was huge pressure on him to acquiesce.
I feel used and abused. I feel a loathing contempt for myself for being with this jerk.
I had lost the innocence of youth and this betrayal cut me to the last bone; can never be normal again. Here, what started as doing a good turn to a colleague in distress had rebounded on me; Deepak with his insensitiveness had walked all over my emotions and feelings.
At work, colleagues commiserate and that only reinforced the pain. I realized that we all live in our minds and if the mind is distressed beyond a point, it runs into a depression. I see a psychiatrist and am put on anti depressants.
The doctor was a kind soul and on his advice resumed morning walks in addition to strolls after dinner and work up tiredness for a sound sleep. I soon realized that one’s man morals should not make me lose my self-esteem.
Slowly, I got my smile back and my emotions are a lot stronger now. I have still not met my dream man but I am hopeful.
I now know what it takes to have a strong mind. It is only when we are pushed to our limits, do we have a glimpse of our own self.
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