9) Living with HIV

The world turned on its head the day my husband was diagnosed HIV. He had a fever that remained stubborn and when the doctors ran their battery of tests, we discovered the tragic cause.

As is the norm, I was tested and I was HIV positive too. Suddenly our peace of mind and happiness were uprooted from the bottom and faith in life totally vanished. To continue to live after realizing that death is round the corner especially when one is not even 30 is a pain that hurts like no other.

The husband was foolhardy is his sexual habits and I had to pay for it. If there was any silver lining then it was my little darling’s tests showed her in the clear. If I had to live despite all this humiliation, it was solely for Anita.

She is just 5 and a fireball of energy; forever inquisitive and loving. She would cling and wrap her hands around me in bed (the doctors said it is permissible) and excitedly keep blabbering away her tales in school while my mind raged on at the injustices of life.

My husband died 3 years after diagnosis and doctors assured that I need not fear for my mortality, at least immediately. I was detected much earlier and the anti viral drugs were building my body immunity. All that I want is to see my daughter stand on her own legs and till then I pray to be in the land of living. Moreover, my good doctor keeps saying, “HIV is a manageable illness and not a fatal one”. Don’t lose your faith or wits and try harder is the good doctor’s credo at the AIDS Foundation.

I work with ND TV and those people have been great. I am a secretary there and the HR department does know about my ailment and I am in no way discriminated. My only grouse that most of my salary goes to these medicines that I wish the government stepped in and bore at least part of the burden.

Soon after I was diagnosed with HIV, a friend brought home a small package of seeds. They were sunflowers and I live in a small apartment with a very tiny balcony that opens out to the skies. With a bare patch of earth, I planted these seeds and since then it was given me great delight.

By God’s grace they took hold and within a year stood at least seven feet high with bright yellow blooms almost smiling good health and cheer at me. The sunflowers followed the sun and the patio became a hive of activity as bees hovered relentlessly around them.

Amidst the rows of flats, my flat stands in resplendent colours and my daughter was so thrilled taking upon her the onus of its daily care.

It’s been more than 5 years since the bombshell and yet I survive and none the worse. My daughter is her V standard and God has been kind. My sister and brothers were very understanding and visit us frequently with concern. Such things really make a difference for I am not left alone and have the affection of close ones.

As I come home in the bus and see the flowers, I feel I am very lucky. A daughter who is a pride and these flowers swaying in the wind have been such good companions that I shouldn’t ask for more.